Confused???

So I did take a test a little over a week ago and it was negative. Then I thought I had started my period on Sunday. However, it's not really been anything like a period. More like spotting, with one day a little heavier than the others. I mean, I only had to use a tampon once! What is going on?! Part of me is hoping that I really am pregnant and just got a false negative. Maybe I tested too soon. I don't know. I think I'm going to test again in the morning, so we shall see! :)

Friday the Thirteenth

I never got my period, and there was no sign of it in sight. I couldn't stand it. I took a test last night. It was the most nervous I had ever been about peeing on a stick. I actually cried before I even decided to do it! My mind is so conditioned to seeing "no" that I want to avoid any unnecessary hurt, which makes me not want to take a test. But I did. And still only one pink line.

I'm confused now, because I ovulated and should've gotten my period by now, 2 days ago actually. And there isn't even any sign of it. No sleepless night, heavy/pressure feeling, NOTHING. So now of course I'm worried that I'm not going to get it and we'll be back in the same boat we were in before the metformin. Maybe it was just a temporary fix. I don't know. But I'm taking it pretty hard this month. Jonathan is too. It's the first time I've seen him actually get emotional about it. He's worried it's him. As soon as my period does come, I'm going to call my doc and get her to write him an order for the urologist (at least that where she told me he'd need to go). Then we can cross off one more thing on our list of to-dos before we try another treatment.

As difficult as this is, I can't imagine going through it without my faith in God and my Christian sisters who lift me up in prayer and through encouraging words!

"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." Mark 11:24

Oh the Agony!

2 more days...and it's killing me! Not that I am wishing my life away, but I can't stand the wait for my period to start. Every month my emotions go on a roller coaster ride.

First it's "Oh good, I got my period again this month, maybe my body is trying to be normal and now we have another chance to try."

Then it's "Ok, go. Every other day!" :)

And then "Yay, my temp went up. Wait, did we have sex on the right day?!"

And finally the next two weeks go by s-l-o-w and my mind goes from excitement of thinking about the possibility of being pregnant to being completely down in the dumps thinking "Don't get your hopes up." Aghhhhhhhh!

It's kinda funny I guess if you think about it...well maybe not! Anyway, these next two days will be torturous. Although for me it could very well be 3,4, or 5 days. But according to my charting and patterns I've seen, 2 days it is!

On pins and needles...

Realization

So last night I had this dream that I was pregnant, and it felt so real. Real enough that I felt like I finally realized what will happen to my body when I do get pregnant. The stretching growing stomach, the uncomfortable feelings, the fear of the health of the baby and fear of delivery! Although I know I won't ever realize it all until it happens, but still, it was the weirdest feeling. I've woken up the past few mornings with a sick, nausaeus feeling and even had dry heaves 2 mornings. I'm taking some meds for a small infection, so it may be from that, but I can't help but to think how much worse it might be when I am pregnant. Anyway, it was just so weird, like an epiphany :) At first it made me feel really anxious and scared, but I talked to Jonathan about it and he made me feel better.

Doctor Appointment

Just got back from the OB and got some encouraging news. The dr. seems to think that I am ovulating since taking the Metformin has regulated my periods, which according to her means my hormones are balancing out. I still have my doubts though. She seems to always be too positive and like she is trying to keep me from getting discouraged. And I'd rather know the truth. I showed her my BBT chart and she said it looked great, eventhough after I "ovulate" my temp goes back down. So she said to give it 6-12 months! I thought I was going to fall off the table. She told me that a year ago when we decided we would start trying to get pregnant. Then when I started Metformin, she said 3-6 months. So I am waiting until July, and then we take the next steps. Semen analysis and possibly Clomid. She also told me that we could do a day 21 progesterone check to make sure I am ovulating, but then she reassured me that I was. That would require blood work every month, and insurance wouldn't pay because it's for fertility. AND on top of all this I am home sick today. The pollen is killing me. My whole face hurts, but I'm afraid to take any meds due to it possibly interfering with my fertility. So I'll suffer, and I'll do it gladly if it means a better chance of conceiving a child.

Negative

So my hubby came home and this morning he practically made me pee on a stick! :) I knew it wouldn't be positive because my spotting's been heavier. Of course it came up, you guessed it, one pink line. Then today everything in my body seemed to go back to normal, like a regular cycle. Go figure, a waste of a test! Anyway, another chance to try. I don't know why, but I just feel it's going to happen sooner than later. I go back to the OB at the end of this month, so we shall see what she says.

"After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you."
1 Peter 5:10

Waiting and Wondering

So much for 30 days in my cycle. It's now been 34 days and I'm so anxious to know what's going on in my body. I FEEL like I'm cramping and about to start my period, but I haven't. And I've had minimal spotting, but that's it. So I looked online (bad idea) and read that many women have the same symptoms when they are in early pregnancy. So my hopes go soaring and then I come back to the realization that I'm more than likely not pregnant. AND I've been taking my BBT and it's been down. From what I've read it's supposed to go up if you're pregnant. So then I also looked that up on line and some women can still experience low BBT, especially if it's early. So...I just don't know. Jonathan is out of town anyway and I would never take a test without him here because it's just as important to him as it is to me. So maybe by Sunday I'll take one.