IUI

Yesterday we had our IUI done! There's really not much to say about it because it took all of 3 minutes. I knew it wouldn't take long, but I didn't expect it to be that short. I had to go in for blood work at 7:30 and Jonathan had to deliver the goods :). We were in and out in 15 minutes. Last week we went for blood work and it took over 30 minutes, so we were not expecting to have so much time in between the labs and the procedure at 10:30. We decided to go eat breakfast and found a pancake house. It was delicious! As we ate, I noticed a pregnant woman walk in and couldn't help but think that maybe that could be me soon. I want so bad for that to be me soon!!

After we ate it was only 8:45, so we still had much time to kill. Since we wouldn't be attending our church services for being at our appointment, we decided to look around to see if there were any early services at nearby churches. I didn't realize how many churches were in downtown Charlotte! Most of them only had the traditional 11:00 or 10:30 service, which wouldn't work for us. We did find a contemporary church, Elevation, that had a 9:30 service, so we decided to go there and just leave early to get back to REACH by 10:30.  As we found some seats near the back (so we could sneak out without interrupting) I noticed the screen held the sermon series title. I can't remember it exactly, but it was about God's will. Can I just tell you that the days leading up to the IUI I had been praying for God's will to be done through the procedure?! I had even read, on Saturday, in the Bible where Jesus was praying to God to take His cup (His death on the cross) away from Him, but then followed it with "not My will but Yours be done".  I wanted that to be MY prayer too. Even though I don't want to go through infertility and I want the IUI to be successful, I want God's will to be done even more.

I left the doctor's office with a sense of peace and a feeling of joy and excitement. I don't know what the results of this will be, but I know that whatever happens I'll be okay.

Green Light

Full speed ahead! We got the okay from our doctor to proceed with the IUI. My lining was thick, I had one big follicle, and my LH and estrogen levels were good. My sister is coming over in about 30 minutes to give me my Ovidrel shot (I asked her to come and do it since she's a nurse and I hate needles). Then Sunday morning we go for the IUI. I'm so excited!!! But a little nervous too. My coworker asked me how I will know if it worked, and it got me thinking about how nerve wracking this 2 week wait will be. AND how I'm already dreading getting my period or having to endure seeing another negative pregnancy test. Since I've been on birth control since January, that hasn't been a problem. BUT, I'm going to try my best to be positive and believe that this is going to work. I've prayed and asked God for this to allow us to have a child and I know that if it is His will for my life then we'll have success! After all, if I didn't have some amount of hope for success, I wouldn't be going through this process in the first place.

An Update

I went back to the doctor Sunday morning for my monitoring visit, hoping to hear news that we would have the IUI done within the next couple of days. Not so much. :/ My follicles weren't as big as they needed to be and the lining of my uterus wasn't thick enough yet either. The good news the doctor told us was that both of those things, the follicles and the lining, matched up and that apparently my body is just progressing more slowly. 

BUT, apparently with good news come bad news. Well, I guess it's not that bad, but the fact that my doctor told me there was some "bad news" makes me feel worse about it. My LH level was elevated slightly. The doctor said that it wasn't too alarming, but that if it did get too high then we would have to stop treatment for this cycle. Of course that was upsetting, and I kind of wish he wouldn't have even said it! On the other hand, I do appreciate his honesty and him keeping me from having false hope. 

 Tomorrow I will go in for another monitoring appointment to see if my follicles grew. I'm praying for nice, plump eggs!! :) 

Unexpected Emotions

We finally got to go back and have a consultation with our doctor to decide on a plan. My husband and I had of course talked previously and we both felt like we wanted to try an IUI. The doctor gave us the okay and said that we could come back as soon as I had been off of the pill for 5 days. So we went back today. (And yay for no more birth control pills!!!!)

They drew blood from both my husband and me and did an ultrasound on me. They checked my follicles and the number of them decreased about 3 times from what they were back when we first went in December. In my case, this is a good thing. :) We were in and out in about 15 minutes and were instructed to wait for a phone call later in the day to let me know when to start the Clomid and when to come in for my next monitoring ultrasound.

We were both feeling excited and filled with new hope from starting a new treatment...until we had to checkout. The financial person showed me the IUI estimation, and even though my insurance covers 70% of my fertility treatments, the number I saw on that piece of paper shook me up.  I mean, in my mind I knew it would be expensive, and I actually thought it would be more than what she was showing me. She told us that we had to pay the amount first before she would approve us to go any further in the process. My husband was fine with and just said ok, but I was not. I didn't expect that paying for a fertility treatment would send me into the emotional roller coaster I experienced for the rest of the day. As I handed her my card, tears welled up in my eyes. I couldn't help but feel that this is all my fault. It's not Jonathan's fault we can't have kids. My body is the one that's screwed up. I cried walking out of the office, going down the elevator, walking through the parking lot, and on the way home. I couldn't help but think that the money we just spent in hopes of creating life could've been used to pay my car payment for two months or to pay 2/3 of our monthly mortgage payment. And we just spent it on a POSSIBILITY. I also thought about all of the women (and girls) who get pregnant and didn't want to and can't afford to. Those people GET money from our government, but yet here I am paying for this treatment. It still just blows my mind and I can't quite wrap my mind around it and find peace about it.

Since I had only taken a half-day off of work, I had to go back for the afternoon. Like I said, I didn't expect to feel so emotional after this appointment so I didn't think I'd have any problems going back to work. Wrong! I literally cried for the first hour I got back. All I wanted to do was go home, lie on the couch, and cry. But I couldn't. And I couldn't believe how emotional I was about all of this!! What was wrong with me?! I was supposed to be happy and excited. No one told me how emotional it would be when the realization of how much money was being spent came into play.

I was still in my crying spell when I got a call back from the doctor's office. The nurse told me to go ahead and start taking the Clomid and to come in on April 21 for monitoring. Hopefully from that appointment we will know when to use the trigger shot of HCG and when the IUI will follow.

My day did get better and my emotions did calm down. I have a brand new appreciation for this journey. I can't really explain it, but it all of a sudden it seems more real.

"Fear not for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10