Nest Before Eggs

Back in June, when my husband and I were headed to the beach, I heard this phrase on the radio. Nest before eggs. The lady who was speaking was referring to a Narnia book that she had been listening to, and this particular phrase caught her attention.  She began to tell of how she felt like it was God speaking to her, telling her that He was building her nest, twig by twig, before He filled it with eggs. Apparently her newborn daughter was born with special needs and she was frustrated and asking God to just fix it. Then she heard that phrase, 'nest before eggs'. Then I heard that phrase. :)

It gets better.

When we got to the beach, we were unpacking in the room and I noticed a bird flying around outside at the balcony. Later, I went out there to sit and the bird reappeared. She just sat on the ledge of the balcony next to ours and looked at me. I thought to myself, "She must have a nest somewhere near here." So I began to look around.  I saw nothing. I looked under the table, under the air conditioning unit, in the corner...everywhere! There was no nest to be seen. But she kept coming back and trying to get on our balcony, but was too afraid with me out there. The next morning I woke up early (I couldn't sleep) and I decided to go out on the balcony and read my Bible. I wasn't out there for 20 minutes when that bird showed up again. This time, I sat very still and quiet. I noticed she had three tiny worms in her mouth, so I was determined to watch her to see where this nest was. Eventually she flew up into the corner of the balcony to a very small hole in the wall that was made for a pipe to run through. Her nest was in the wall!! For the next 30 minutes I sat and watched her fly in and out of that hole, bringing food to her babies. I immediately thought of the phrase I had heard on the radio the previous day, 'nest before eggs'. Maybe God was showing me that He is building my nest, twig by twig, getting it ready to be filled with eggs (literally, haha!). 

It gets EVEN better. 

The hotel we were staying in was u-shaped, so from the balcony, I was able to see all the other balconies. I began to look around at the 200+ balconies, and I noticed that NO other balcony had this pipe coming out of the wall!! I know you think I'm crazy right now, but I'm serious. Not a single other balcony had this hole in the wall. None of them could've had this bird's nest!  Now I was certain that the Lord was speaking to me. First of all, I never listen to what the DJs have to say on the radio and I heard every word of her commentary on 'nest before eggs'. Then, there is a bird nest on our balcony...and no other balcony in the entire hotel has this hole where this bird could've made her nest. Wow. 

I spent a lot of time the rest of that week watching the birds fly in and out of that hole to deliver food to their babies. And I KNOW, without a doubt, that God was telling me, "Nest before eggs, Jessica. Just wait." 

Ding, Ding, Ding- Round Two

No babies this month. I started my second round of Clomid 50 mg on Monday...my birthday. Which is also the day that I had to take a pregnancy test (negative) because my period was so off and weird, and when I called the nurse she suggested doing that just in case. Then she tells me to just go on with my normal routine of taking Clomid starting day 3 (eventhough my period was strange and spotty), but that I could be pregnant and it was too early to tell. Lady, it's day 34 (or CD 3?)!!! No way is it "too early" to test. Seriously, I don't know how nurses can be so unhelpful sometimes! So needless to say, it's not how I envisioned my 27th birthday. In fact, a few years ago I would have said, "I'll have kids or be pregnant by the time I'm 27." That WAS my goal. Of course I still technically have this whole year to meet the "be pregnant at 27" part. Now my goal is simple...get pregnant. Easier said than done. I did get a little upset thinking about how old my mom was by the time she had my sister and me. 27.  So here I am, the same age as her when she was DONE having kids, and I haven't gotten started.  Oh well. Age is just a number, and when I finally meet my little one that God is working so hard on perfecting, I won't care how old I am...but I would like it to be sooner than later. :)

I Don't Feel Sorry for You

Dear 8 1/2 Months Pregnant Lady,

Yes, I realize it is the middle of August and it's slightly hot.  Yes, I see your insanely large belly protruding, and yes I see you rubbing it with a look of agony on your face. I hope you don't expect sympathy from me, because you're not getting any.  I don't feel bad for you because you have life growing in your womb.  I don't feel bad for you because you weren't even trying, and I don't feel bad for you because this is your fourth child and your hands are full. Nope. No sympathy from me. 

Still Not Pregnant YET,

Jessica

And the results are...

I ovulated! Yayayayayayay!!!!!!!!! :)  I actually called yesterday and they said the nurse line was closed (grrr) so I had to wait until this morning. As soon as I woke up I called. I asked her what the number was and she said it was 10.3. The nurse told me anything over a 6 is a good indication of ovulation. So that's good. Pretty sure I'm not pregnant with a low number like that, but that is okay with me. I just wanted to be sure I was at least ovulating!! I can't get pregnant without that.  Thanks for the prayers and well wishes. <3

Progesterone Check

Well, the day FINALLY arrived. I went to the doctor this morning to get my blood drawn to check my progesterone levels to see if I ovulated. I was calm when I woke up this morning (surprisingly!) but when I got there I was super anxious. I don't know why. It's not like I have anything to do with whether or not I ovulate! Anyway, as the lab tech was sticking me with the needle, literally as SOON as the needle pierced my vein, the song 'Just Haven't Met You Yet' came on!

Now, let me back up a couple weeks.

About 2 weeks ago I was feeling really down, the worst I've felt during this journey. So a friend of mine from church made me a CD to help cheer me up. She tried to put songs that would uplift me and encourage me, including 'Just Haven't Met You Yet'.  He are a few of my favorite lines from the song:

I might have to wait, I'll never give up
I guess it's half timing, the other half's luck.
Wherever you are, whenever it's right
You'll come out of nowhere and into my life.

And I promise you, kid, that I give so much more than I get
I just haven't met you yet.

I'm pretty sure the song is about finding love, but when I hear it I think about meeting my future child. That's what it means to me. :)  So when it came on as she was drawing my blood, I almost cried right there! But I held it together until I was driving home. I joke with one of my fertility friends that it's a good thing we can't get pulled over for driving while crying (DWC), because I'd be in big trouble, haha!!

I guess these next couple days I will be sitting by the phone like a teenage girl waiting for a boy to call while I wait for the results of my blood work.

Facebook

aka Fertilebook.  I've been really good, not getting on so I don't have to endure seeing all the pregnant bellies and newborn pictures. Until today. I caved and literally the first 10-15 posts on my news feed were of new babies or very pregnant bellies. 4 friends have had children in the past month and 2 more are due any day now. Of course I'm happy for them, just sad for me. :(  And I know one day I'll post a picture of my belly and baby, but for now it hurts to see it. But I WON'T post every little detail because no one cares that much. No one cares that your back hurts and that you are so hot and should've timed your pregnancy better so you wouldn't be enduring the summer heat with an extra 30 pounds! No one cares that you threw up 3 times today. No one cares that your baby won't drink apple juice. And no one cares that I'm infertile. I wish I had your 'problems'. Now that I got that off my chest, I'm going to post on FB :)..."Guess who's not pregnant? Me!"