Please keep your seat belts fastened until the ride has come to a complete stop!

Whew! I feel like I have been on a roller coaster ride for the past few weeks.  My emotions have been up then down then back up.  It's crazy!  First of all a few weeks back I was at the highest of my highs on this journey so far.  I felt at peace and comforted, like everything was going to work out fine.  Then this past weekend I hit rock bottom.  The lowest of my lows by far.  I didn't even get off the couch for an entire day.  All I could do was cry and I felt like there was no hope, like I'll never have a baby.  Thank God for friends! I have an amazing one who has lifted me to the Lord in prayers many times these past few days and I could feel it.  She kept encouraging me and giving me verses from the Bible.  Then today as I was driving to the mall I heard someone speaking about infertility on the radio.  She was saying that a friend had gotten pregnant and she was still struggling with the bitter and jealous feelings.  She spoke about God's grace and how we can be happy (without the bitterness and jealousy) for others when good things happen to them.  THEN the very next song that came on the radio was "While I'm Waiting" by John Waller. I never hear that song and I listen to that station all the time. :)  It was like God was speaking right to me!!!

So I wanted to share my RENEWED hope with all of you who are struggling to conceive.  It does get tough and it will knock you down.  It may even break you.  But God is there to pick you back up and put your pieces back together.  Cry out to Him! He hears you and will answer.  Maybe not in the timing you want or in the way you want, but He is faithful.

Long Time No Post

It's good to be back home!! I've been in Pennsylvania on a mission trip with my church...no wi-fi. I realized how much time I spend online after being without for a week :) It was good for me though. For a while, I actually forgot I was infertile. Then as soon as we got home, it hit me. Back to reality. Facing all the people who know and are wondering, "Is she pregnant yet?" At least that's what I think they're saying in their heads. So even after coming back from an amazing trip of doing God's work, I'm feeling blah today. Just down in the dumps.

On another note, I started taking Clomid 50mg on Friday. I've been feeling dizzy from it, but it's starting to subside. I've also been a little moody, but I don't know if that's actually from the meds or just things that have happened in the past few days putting me in a bad mood. I pray that the Clomid will work this first time and I'll see the two pink lines that I've longed for.

A friend of mine sent me this quote, cliche but true:
"Nothing worth doing is ever easy, but one day it'll all be worth it."

Clomid, Metformin, Provera...Oh My!

I wonder what goes through the pharmacist's head when I go to get my prescriptions filled. This time I got 3! She's probably thinking, "poor girl", because she was really nice to me and the tone in her voice was kind of an "I'm so sorry" tone. I couldn't help but to laugh a little, to myself, at carrying out three prescriptions, all of which are supposed to help me ovulate! When I was first diagnosed with PCOS I did a lot of "research" (aka Googling things that came to mind and reading forums!) and heard of all these drugs, but I never thought I would actually be taking them...ALL. Hopefully the side effects won't be too terribly bad. Pray for us that the combination of these meds will help result in a little bundle of joy. :) And I'll be glad to pray for you too, just leave your request as a comment!

A Little Fertility Humor to Lighten the Load

I found this blog and wanted to share it!

999reasonstolaugh.com

It's so funny. :) I literally laugh out loud at many of the comments. Instead of crying, now when I have a bad day I'm going to this site. Not that it takes away the pain, but it reminds me of the crazy things that only infertile women get to experience...and it's funny! I couldn't stop reading it earlier today. Oh, did I mention that it's funny?! Haha, enjoy.

2 Steps Forward, 3 Steps Back

I'm angry. Ticked off. Confused. Frustrated. Just plain mad. 50 days and NO period. What the heck is going on?! I mean, we were on the right track with the Metformin and my Clomid prescription, which is just stuck to my fridge waiting to be filled. Now...nothing. I seriously feel like we are back at square one, just like last year when I came off birth control and never got a period. And no, I'm not pregnant. I've seen 3 single pink lines in the past 3 weeks. So I guess I'll be calling and visiting the doctor yet again. This time he'll give me Provera to start my period. I already know what they're going to do. I could be an OB doctor at this point. I have more knowledge about this stuff than I ever thought I would. I wish I didn't. Now I just worry I won't ovulate, even with the Clomid. I know it's not for me to worry about, but I'm just in one of those moods today where I want to complain and be down about this infertility crap! I'm just blah...