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So far this year I've taken 3 pregnancy tests, including one today just to make sure since my period was so weird, and they've all been negative. BUT I'm not losing hope! This morning at church my preacher gave a message about Jesus's apparent indifference (which by the way I think came straight from God, to my preacher, for ME to hear)and how things will happen in His time, for His purpose, and for His glory. Encouraging and true words that I needed to hear. And he, my preacher, said something this morning that really stuck with me. I need to get the focus off of praying for what I want to happen and start praising Him for what He is doing and will do in my life. Eventhough it's been 13 months since we first started trying for a baby, I am looking foward to see what the next 13 months and beyond have in store for us!

Confused???

So I did take a test a little over a week ago and it was negative. Then I thought I had started my period on Sunday. However, it's not really been anything like a period. More like spotting, with one day a little heavier than the others. I mean, I only had to use a tampon once! What is going on?! Part of me is hoping that I really am pregnant and just got a false negative. Maybe I tested too soon. I don't know. I think I'm going to test again in the morning, so we shall see! :)

Friday the Thirteenth

I never got my period, and there was no sign of it in sight. I couldn't stand it. I took a test last night. It was the most nervous I had ever been about peeing on a stick. I actually cried before I even decided to do it! My mind is so conditioned to seeing "no" that I want to avoid any unnecessary hurt, which makes me not want to take a test. But I did. And still only one pink line.

I'm confused now, because I ovulated and should've gotten my period by now, 2 days ago actually. And there isn't even any sign of it. No sleepless night, heavy/pressure feeling, NOTHING. So now of course I'm worried that I'm not going to get it and we'll be back in the same boat we were in before the metformin. Maybe it was just a temporary fix. I don't know. But I'm taking it pretty hard this month. Jonathan is too. It's the first time I've seen him actually get emotional about it. He's worried it's him. As soon as my period does come, I'm going to call my doc and get her to write him an order for the urologist (at least that where she told me he'd need to go). Then we can cross off one more thing on our list of to-dos before we try another treatment.

As difficult as this is, I can't imagine going through it without my faith in God and my Christian sisters who lift me up in prayer and through encouraging words!

"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." Mark 11:24

Oh the Agony!

2 more days...and it's killing me! Not that I am wishing my life away, but I can't stand the wait for my period to start. Every month my emotions go on a roller coaster ride.

First it's "Oh good, I got my period again this month, maybe my body is trying to be normal and now we have another chance to try."

Then it's "Ok, go. Every other day!" :)

And then "Yay, my temp went up. Wait, did we have sex on the right day?!"

And finally the next two weeks go by s-l-o-w and my mind goes from excitement of thinking about the possibility of being pregnant to being completely down in the dumps thinking "Don't get your hopes up." Aghhhhhhhh!

It's kinda funny I guess if you think about it...well maybe not! Anyway, these next two days will be torturous. Although for me it could very well be 3,4, or 5 days. But according to my charting and patterns I've seen, 2 days it is!

On pins and needles...

Realization

So last night I had this dream that I was pregnant, and it felt so real. Real enough that I felt like I finally realized what will happen to my body when I do get pregnant. The stretching growing stomach, the uncomfortable feelings, the fear of the health of the baby and fear of delivery! Although I know I won't ever realize it all until it happens, but still, it was the weirdest feeling. I've woken up the past few mornings with a sick, nausaeus feeling and even had dry heaves 2 mornings. I'm taking some meds for a small infection, so it may be from that, but I can't help but to think how much worse it might be when I am pregnant. Anyway, it was just so weird, like an epiphany :) At first it made me feel really anxious and scared, but I talked to Jonathan about it and he made me feel better.