His Will

This weekend I took my group of teenage girls from church to Myrtle Beach for a conference. The weather was perfect, we stayed right on the beach, and it was just beautiful! In fact, when I woke up Saturday morning I saw this beautiful sunrise.
                                       
                                    

I thought this would be the perfect time for me to really "forget" about conceiving.  And we are still taking a break from using meds and OPKs and pretty much thinking about it in general, but lets face it...it's pretty difficult to completely put out of your mind. :)  Instead, I thought about it more this weekend than I have in the past month!  Even at a convention for teenage girls, there were babies or talk of babies.  I began to feel less like a woman.  I'm at this point where I feel that my life isn't worth something because I'm not a mom.  Is that crazy? Does anyone else ever feel that way?  And I'm 27, which I thought by now I'd have a child and maybe one on the way!  So I was feeling kind of worthless and even useless.  If I can't be a mom then what's the point?

The focal scripture verses for the week came from Romans 12:1-2 which says, "I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may be able to prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God."

Most of the speakers focused on that last part, to not be conformed to the world but transformed and to know that God has a perfect will for our lives. Many times a speaker said something along the lines of, "Are you where you thought you would be?  Are your plans the same as God's plans?"  It made me think about this past year and how MY plan hasn't come to fruition like I PLANNED. :)  But that's just it...it's not about my plan. God has a perfect will for my life and I need to let Him lead and carry out HIS plan. It's not easy. In fact, it is very difficult most days to remember that and to not try to control things and have the perfect plan.

This morning as I read my daily devotion from Proverbs 31 (which by the way is a free daily devotional email and it's very good, so sign up at proverbs31.org), guess what one of the focal verses was? Yep, Romans 12:2. His will is perfect, and I believe the Lord is trying to show me to trust that. I'm just hard headed and stubborn sometimes!