Letting Go

Hmmm, where do I begin? First of all I've had no signs of ovulation (basal body temperature or tests strips) and it's day 24 of my cycle. Secondly, I decided to take a pregnancy test to make sure that's why I haven't ovulated. One pink line. Thirdly, I called my OB's office and made a consultative appointment with a NEW doctor who specializes in infertility. It was a pretty rough morning/afternoon. I even burst into tears as I hung up the phone from making the appt. because I felt so defeated. Making that appt. meant I was admitting that I needed assistance in conceiving, and I was so sure we could do it on our own. :(

But a few minutes ago I was reading my book, "Dear God, Why Can't I Have a Baby?", and read about giving up control and surrendering my desires to God's will. I've prayed before about it and said I surrendered, but I picked it right back up. Today is going to be different! I am letting go. There is ultimately nothing I can do in this process. It's up to God. He is in control of everything, always has been, always will be. :) How comforting! I know (without a doubt in my mind) that we will have children. What I don't know is HOW we will get that precious gift. Whether through adoption, fertility treatments, foster care, I don't know. But what I do know is that the Lord's grace is sufficient for me. Whatever He wants for my life I can handle. It may not always be easy, God never promised us easy, but He'll get me through.

Jeremiah 29:11 says "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."