Taking a Break

With my not-so-great progesterone results and my missing period, we are taking a break from trying. Not that I still wouldn't be thrilled to get pregnant, but I'm not taking any meds to make me start my period or ovulate. When it comes, it comes. I'm stressed out with work and I don't need the added stress of creating life...or trying to. I wonder what it will be like to have spontaneous, romantic sex again? Haha!! We are just going to enjoy life together and be thankful for all the blessings that we do have. Now, we will eventually start this process again (taking meds, doctor visits, blood draws, tears, negative tests, etc.), but I think we will wait until after the holidays. And I'm actually excited about this. For once in the past year and a half, I don't have to worry about what my body is doing (or in my case, ISN'T doing). That's not to say that I still won't have days where I get emotional and cry when I hear Michael Buble's 'Just Haven't Met You Yet' :), but I hope to have less of those days since my focus will not be on trying to get pregnant.

One more thing I wanted to share. Today at work I was feeling frustrated with some things that were happening, so after I got all of my students taken out to the bus, I came back to my classroom to just pray. I remembered that I had a devotional book for teachers on my bookshelf and I picked it up to read. It has a devotion for every day of the year, and since I'm always super busy at work, I hardly ever read it. So I just asked God that whatever page I turned to would be the words that He wanted me to hear. I immediately got goosebumps all over my body as soon as I asked at, like He was saying ok (and the air was not on in my room, it was actually kind of warm, so the goosebumps weren't from that :)). I read this verse from Galatians 3:

"'The Lord is my portion,' says my soul, 'Therefore I hope in Him!'" (vs. 24)

I just wanted to shout 'YES!'. So I decided to read the whole chapter and I am glad I did. If you get a chance...read it! Even though we walk through tough times, God is still with us. He never leaves us alone. The very next verse (vs. 25) said, "The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him." He wants me to rely on Him and come to Him with my needs, desires, problems, requests, and even my complaints! He wants me to seek Him.

One last verse to end with, and it's one of my favorites!
"In this world you will have trouble, but take heart, for I have overcome the world." John 16:33

Now What?

I called my OB office again today and once I was transferred 3 times, I got the results of my blood work. My progesterone level was 0.7. No ovulation. I mean, I kind of already figured that, but hearing it really hit me hard. Of course I was at work, so I had to hold it together. But as soon as I got in the car and left, I lost it. I feel so defeated. Where do I go from here? Do we take a break from trying? Do I go to a specialist?

I ovulated last month on meds, and this month on the same meds nothing happened. I did ask the nurse if I could up my dosage and the doctor actually called me back later and told me to take 75 mg of Clomid during my cycle. Who knows when that will be. So for now I will try my best to enjoy life with just my husband and me. I won't worry about my period coming or not. If it does, I'll take the Clomid. However, if by 2013 things aren't changing, I think I will see a specialist.  

One day all of this WILL be worth it.  

I Need My Lab Work, So Call Me Maybe?!

I had my blood drawn on Monday to check my progesterone levels. So I called today to get results. Do you think I could get anyone to answer the nurse line? No! The second time I called I left a message, despite their outgoing message that said to only leave a message about labs if it's been more than two weeks. Two weeks?!?!? Are they crazy? By then I'll have started my next period (hopefully, or maybe not if I'm pregnant...which I doubt) and will have needed to start my Clomid again. If I didn't ovulate, then I need to ask the doctor to up my dosage or something! I am so frustrated with them. Granted, they are not specialists, but still!!! No one wants to wait 2 weeks to find out whether or not they ovulated, especially if they are trying to get pregnant. I kept my phone on the rest of the day and planned on answering it even if I was in the middle of teaching. Do you think they called back? No! And here's the kicker, they close early on Fridays now...which is tomorrow. I will not have a chance to call until at least 10:30.  I plan on writing a letter to the office manager to complain. Even last time I had my progesterone checked (even though I called and got results in 2 days) they didn't call ME back until 2 weeks after that. I was already on day 5 of my period! Ridiculous.

So now I'm really leaning heavily toward seeing a specialist. At least they might have more courtesy and at least ACT like they care. 

No Smileys :(

Today is day 18-ish ("ish" because my period was weird and I don't know what to consider my actual start date) and my expensive OPK has still not shown a smiley face. So no ovulation. :(  That's about how I feel right now. Just sad and frustrated and disheartened and everything else that comes with infertility. I will still have to go in for a progesterone draw, so maybe after the results come back they will bump me up to 100 mg of Clomid.