This past Tuesday my husband and I went for our follow-up appointment with our reproductive endocrinologist. After having a ton of blood work done on Christmas Eve, I was ready to finally get the results back. My appointment was at 3:30, so we were asked to be there at 3:15. With me being more of an early bird (and I was super anxious about the results we would be getting) we got there a little after 3:00. Well, we waited and waited and waited. Then we waited some more. Finally, at 3:55 I asked the receptionist when we would be seen! My nervous heart was about to beat out of my chest and the longer we waited to see the doctor the worse it got. :) We were finally called back about 10 min. later and led to the doctor's office.
I've only been to this facility 4 times, and 3 of those times I've seen the doctor. And I have to say, every time I speak to him he is so pleasant and friendly. Just seeing him, shaking his hand, and saying hello calmed my nerves! We sat down and he got right to business with giving me results. He had many numbers pulled up on his computer screen and x-ray and ultrasound pictures scattered across his desk. He proceeded to tell me that I have a classic case of PCOS and that my pituitary gland secretes too much all the time, when it should be secreting a low amount until around ovulation to signal my ovaries to create a follicle and release an egg. This causes my ovaries to be confused and think they constantly need to make follicles, which don't always mature, hence the reason my ovaries are covered with follicles (cysts) and why I have polycystic ovaries. Thanks pituitary gland! Anyway, out of all of the levels he tested and all of the blood work that was done, he only found one other hormone level that was too high. I can't remember what it was, AMH or something like that. He didn't go into much detail about it, only offered a solution to bring it down so we could start some treatments.
His solution...birth control. Excuse me? Did you just tell me to take birth control when I'm trying to get pregnant?! How is that supposed to help? I was totally confused and honestly, a little upset. I had sworn off birth control after I came off of it in March 2011 and had so many problems getting a regular period. I attributed all of my struggles to get pregnant to taking birth control for 4 years. And even now, it's hard for me not to still think that birth control is part of the reason I'm infertile. My first reaction (in my mind) was "no way, I'm not taking it." But as he started to explain why, it began to make more sense, although I'm still not thrilled about the thought of taking birth control. He said my ovaries are hyperstimulated and taking the birth control would actually help them return to a more normal state. The hormone that was too high will also come down with the use of birth control. Once that hormone gets back to a normal level, then he will take me off of the birth control and try Clomid again. The doctor also suggested that we try an IUI with the use of the Clomid, just to be proactive in the process. It's not really the news I was expecting, although I don't really know what news I was hoping for. :)
He did have one positive comment about my treatment. "This should be a fairly simple process once we get your hormone level where it needs to be." Hmm, do I believe it? It sounded good, but for some reason it didn't give me any more peace about my infertility or any more hope. I had a brief, VERY brief, moment of excitement, but it was quickly replaced with doubt. I'm so scared to let myself believe him and get my hopes up for success. At the same time, I feel like I'm doubting God and having no trust in Him. I know there've been times before where I felt Him speaking to me and telling me that my time is coming. I just have to wait. But I've waited for a while, and my heart has become hardened to believing in good things for my future. I know in my head that His timing is perfect, I'm just having difficulty knowing it in my heart.
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