A Promise

"Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you." What an amazing promise from God!

Yesterday I was feeling so down and out and pretty much hopeless. It's been right at a year since Jonathan and I decided we would try for a baby. We were thrilled at the possibilities and thoughts of the near future and being able to create a life. Little did we know, a year later those feelings would be replaced with anger, sadness, confusion, and bitterness. I catch myself getting hopeful and excited, but then I quickly stuff those feelings away in their little compartment way in the back of my mind because I'm afraid. Afraid of the "what if's", the let downs, and disappointments. Afraid to let myself feel a little joy and excitement because of the pain that came each time I saw that single pink line or had another doctor's appointment. Yesterday I even cried at work! So when I got home I sat down to pray (and listen) to God. As I was reading some Bible verses, I read the above promise and an overwhelming sense of protection came over me. I know the Lord loves me and is watching out for me and always has His best interest for me in mind. I realized that the feelings I had were selfish and I wasn't trusting in Him! Basically, what I was saying in my actions was that He wasn't good enough or able to work a miracle in me, and that's not true at all.

So I've decided to not pout and wallow in self-pity, like I've been doing (even though I may feel like it!). He knows the desires of my heart and it's out of my control. I am blessed beyond what I should be as it is, and I TRUST that the Lord WILL grant me a child.